


Forget Hydrogen You're My Number One Element

by ForgottenChesire



Series: Christmas Presents 2016 [15]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Lots of science jokes, M/M, science jokes, unamused Clint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 12:04:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9819713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgottenChesire/pseuds/ForgottenChesire
Summary: Clint is left alone with the Science Bros on a slow day. He never thought he'd get sick of jokes.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Very late Christmas present for a friend. I hope you enjoy it!

It's a slow day in the tower. No villains to put the hammer down on, no arguments between the other co inhabitants of the to break up. Just the mind numbing nothingness of a world that isn't going to shit right this second. And really, that _should_ be a good thing. And if Clint lived anywhere but Avengers Tower it would be. Only he does, and Pepper thought it would be a grand idea to convince JARVIS to lock the labs down. Thus leaving the resident love bird scientists without any science to do. Clint, laid up with a broken arm and leg from the last battle, had hoped the two would find something, apart from each other, to do. Bruce liked mediating and there are no rules saying that Tony couldn't leave the tower, so theoretically he could have a relaxing period. Hell, _Steve_ left the tower followed by Natasha so he had hope. But no, _both_ the fuckers decided to stay home with him under the guise of taking care of their injured teammate.

“Hey, if you and the Silver Surfer team up, you’d be alloys.”

This? This isn't taking care of him. Clint watches as Tony leans into Bruce’s side.

“A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, ‘No, I’m traveling light.’”

This is torture and torture he brought onto himself with an innocent joke. He didn't know. He just didn't know what wormhole he was opening when he said it.

_“Did you hear Oxygen went on a date with Potassium? It went OK.”_

That’s all he said and it started this maelstrom of horrible science jokes. God he wished he could move enough to take out his hearing aid without getting Bruce’s attention.

“Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble,” Bruce jokes laughing at his own joke. The next time he sees Pepper, he may have to kill her. Sure hearing Bruce laugh and not look like he wants to bolt is great, just not at the expense of his sanity!

“How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book!”

The two scientists laugh loudly. Clint groans, they aren't even drunk and in Clint’s humble opinion that is the only way a mass amount of science jokes stay as humorous as these two think they are.

“Anyone know any jokes about Sodium? Na.”

The joking doesn't even stop when Bruce makes them lunch.

“Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.”

Clint puts down his sandwich, the easiest thing to eat one handed that sounded appetizing, and looks at them with the biggest sad look he can manage. He is _not_ above emotional manipulation.

“Can you please stop it with the jokes? _Please_? You are killing my appetite.”

Tony looks at him like he just said the world is flat, Bruce on the other hand looks sheepish but apologetic. That is something he counts as a win, that the jokes will stop. Only the elevator dings and the new intern for Stark Labs, Peter Parker, walks in. Clearly Pepper hadn't thought to send the poor guy an email. Tony's eyes light up with mischief.

“I’m sorry Clint. We just had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.”

Peter perks up and Clint allows his head to drop in defeat.

“The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared,” the kid says.

And Tony is off again. Bruce moves over to Clint’s side, his hands gentle as he touches him.

“I can help you into the front room if you like.”

“There's no reason to. _He’ll_ ,” Clint mentions over to Tony, “follow you.”

Bruce hums, a thoughtful look on his face. The archer watches as the mild mannered scientist walks over to Tony and whispers something into his ear.

“Alright, deal!”

The silence that follows is beyond welcome. Part of him wants to know what Bruce bartered for the silence and Clint’s sanity. Peter leaves when it becomes apparent that no science will be done. The two scientists help him eat and when that is done help him into the front room to watch movies. It's very domestic and cozy, not something he’d have considered months ago.

“Hey Bruce, are you a proton?” Tony asks during a lull between movies. Clint eyes Tony worriedly.

“Cause you positively charge my nucleus.”

_Oh_ _god_ , Clint thinks as he groans.

“It's not a joke!” Tony defends himself as he pulls Bruce to his side to nuzzle the man. Bruce smiles shyly.

“I wish I was adenine, then I could be paired with U.”

“Get a room you two!” He yells playfully.

Tony smirks his hand sliding along Bruce to places it really shouldn't be sliding.

“Why Merida, the whole tower is my room,” he says before stopping and looking away from Clint, “But seeing how our babysitting gig is over, I will gladly take Bruce to my room.”

Natasha's hand lands on his shoulder making him jump. The scientists are gone by the time he looks back over.

“Never again,” he tells her.

* * *

 

Tony smiles at Bruce bringing their face together in a kiss. It's slow and sweet.

“Did you mean it when you said, you’d let me take care of you tonight?”

“I did. Whatever you want.”

Tony reaches up and massages the other man’s temples. Their clothes are removed and instead of diving straight into sex, Tony massages Bruce making him a puddle of mush. They make love slowly, Bruce’s body arching into Tony’s as they rock together. It had taken many tests and retests before Bruce would allow this intimate connection, worried about gamma radiation. Tony looks down at Bruce’s post orgasm face and fills his heart swell.

“Not only are we scientists, but we have the ability to do each other on a table, periodically,” he says cheekily. Bruce laughs and pulls him in for another kiss.


End file.
